note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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