The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
