he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
