Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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