Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
