its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
