i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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