If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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