Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
