I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
