I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
