I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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