Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize