We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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