Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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