as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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