Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It's official drugs can't kill me
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
