Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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