I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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