Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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