I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
