I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
