you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
