Three words: puerto rican gang bang
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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