I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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