Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize