jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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