Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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