I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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