I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
