I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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