I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
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He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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