Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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