people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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