Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
