you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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