Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
