i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
