That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
