Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
