So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
