I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
