atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
