True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Drunk is not a location!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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