he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Of course I have a pirate flag
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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