You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
