broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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