he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
