Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
