I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
