Hey man sorry I got all grabby
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Randomize
