now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
