Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
