ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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