Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
