I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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