I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
