nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i now understand why vodka
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
