I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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