I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
