I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
