He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
