now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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